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Dear friend,

Just received this beautiful (not) email from a certain … ah, but the subject line first.

Very Low Budget ( Seo Service )

With a subject line like that, of course, how could yours truly “IT” not open it… UGH!

Hi,

Hopes that you and your family are in good health.

I’m <chopped> Singh a Digital marketing executive at Bozos PVT/LTD. I would love to offer you our SEO services in which we’ll optimize your site and help your site to be on ranked on 1at page of Google. Also if you don’t own a site we can help you to build one.

Here is the list of some services we provide:

Off-Page work activities “Monthly Task and responsibilities”

1. 150 Directory submissions

2. 60 Social Book marking Submissions

3. 20 Article Submissions (1 article x 20 article websites)

4. 10 Press Release Submissions (1 press release x 10 press release websites)

5. 10 Blog Comments

On-Page work activities “Follow only first month”

1. Meta tags/Title tag changes

2. Keyword research/Analysis

3. Competitor Analysis

4. Meta tag changes

5. Alt tag changes

If you’re interested write back to me so I can share you more information regarding this.

Kind regards,

Mr Bozo

Digital marketing executive

Christ, I thought we were done with all this.

And SEO, which done faded away WAYYYYYYYYY back in the day.

Apparently the snake oil continues though for the most useless “so called service” today in IT – i.e. SEO.

It happens organically, friend, and it did back then too, except then people used certain hacks to fool Google and Altavista and what not – those search engines weren’t nearly as smart as they are now.

Not the case now, my friend – post Panda and Penguin, you can FORGET about SEO beyond the basics doing you a lick of good.

It never fails to amuse me how many nuts fall for this old line though.

A client of mine once told me on the phone that it was “all a bunch of snake oil”.

He’s right!

But let’s see, the email this dope sent me.

Hi,

Hopes that you and your family are in good health.

Hopes too, dear Sir. 

I’m <chopped> Singh a Digital marketing executive at Bozos PVT/LTD.

No shit, Sherlock … You’re also a grade A clown in case you didnt know. Glyn and you would make great partners!

I would love to offer you our SEO services in which we’ll optimize your site and help your site to be on ranked on 1at page of Google.

It already is, you dope, for a lot of keywords in case you ain’t noticed, and buying idiotic SEO crap ain’t why. 

Also if you don’t own a site we can help you to build one.

This takes the cake. Really…!

Here is the list of some services we provide:

Off-Page work activities “Monthly Task and responsibilities”

Which youll never do, of course. I remember in THAT Job once I gave the task of SEO to a girl who was really begging for a job back then .

She was alright, so I thought I’d try her, but much like most freelancers, the minute you take the “carrot and stick” away of “no work no salary” (guess why most companies want employees back in the office NOW despite all the hoo haa about remote working – NOT everyone is fit to work remotely – most aren’t!) – the minute her work went down the toilet. 

As my boss then said “not much was done at all!” 

And looking back, he was right…

1. 150 Directory submissions

2. 60 Social Book marking Submissions

210 submissions of pure CRAP, I’d bet. Ever heard of Panda, boyo? 

3. 20 Article Submissions (1 article x 20 article websites)

I wouldn’t want articles or … 

4. 10 Press Release Submissions (1 press release x 10 press release websites)

… PR’s done by jackasses who offer people with estabilished sites “websites if they dont have one”. Idiot incarnate.

5. 10 Blog Comments

They’re disabled, in case you didnt notice (you didnt, you nut) for a reason (a good one too, you jackass)

Poor Glyn, hehe

On-Page work activities “Follow only first month”

1. Meta tags/Title tag changes

Whoopee! 

2. Keyword research/Analysis

I dread to think what analysis a brainiac like you would do. 

3. Competitor Analysis

Like I give a rats ass about competitors. I’d rather Bezos and focus on my CUSTOMERS!

4. Meta tag changes

5. Alt tag changes

BLA, BLA, BLA. 

If you’re interested write back to me so I can share you more information regarding this.

I ain’t interested, and if you’d done your research, you’d know. 

Kind regards,

Mr Bozo

Digital marketing executive

Anyway, only pertient question is this – or two.

One, why people still fall for the snake oil is beyond me .

And two, how Did yours truly get to the top of the search engine rankings for certain keywords?

But before that, what “Gorilla Girl” Sophia once told me, lambasted me, let it all “hang out” when asking about ‘how do I get bigger mammaries‘.

I’m being polite. Hehe.

But she did ask that!

And I believe I didnt respond to a lot of her messages, or I did later, and finally when I did, I said something wrong, and …

“No, you fool!”

That response said it all. Hehe. The frustration!

But she’s a great gal. Was, still is!

We love you, Sophia!

How could we not, hehe.

And that responses holds true here for Monesiur Singh, or “Sir” if you may.

Sir…………….

It’s hilarious.

Anyway, how did I get there – certainly not by applying quick fixes or taking shortcuts.

It’s by producing great stuff – great products – great writing – great customers – all of it over a consistent period of time.

It’s by being, in short, PERSISTENCE.

Truly the motherlode of all success it is.

Napoleon Hill said in Think and Grow Rich that you could have all the other qualities you wanted, but without persistence, you’re doomed BEFORE YOUS TART!

And he was RIGHT – DEAD ON RIGHT!

And thats what it takes for your fitness journey too, friend.

It’s also why I never promise quick fixes, tell people to be doubly, triply and more so sure before they buy anything, let them know that DOING is where the rubber meets the road, not talking or thinking (though it starts with the latter if done right), and more …

And for the chosen few that GET it – I’ve put out the best damned fitness (HOME BASED!) system EVER out there for you – the 0 Excuses Fitness System.

Truly the purring Rolls Royce of ALL FITNESS programs. 

Get you some – NOW!!

Best,

Rahul Mookerjee